Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Fear is " False Evidence Appearing Real" ( part one )

It was a very long day that is the only idea that keep on making so loud noise inside his head , everything seems that it happened so fast , he felt like that he is terribly exahusted to the limit he can't show his grief on his beloved wife , he still can hear people around him whispering words to each other saying " poor him what he will do now , she was his world , i didn't see a husband love his wife this way ... " and more but all words just was nothing compared to him and he can't handle people this time at all . His best friend asked him " if you really don't want to spend this night alone i can come spend it with you ? ", he replied : " no i will be ok , i prefer to spend this night alone i need that so much " , he felt as if a very heavy stone was on his heart was removed when it was declared that the funeral was over , he was so eager to leave the place , to run away from reality to escape all those words of consolation that he don't want to listen or even hear any single letter of them .

It was finally over he said to his friend that he is not totally in a mood to stand and listen to any talk anymore so he will leave and go to his home as all what he want to hear now is deep silence . As he entered his home he felt so lonely as if suddenly life stopped and night and day were over , he struggled to swallow his pain and sadness , he tried to do his best to prevent his tears from escapimg from his eyes and the worst he was in a severe fight against this killing pain in his heart , the pain of knowing he will not hear her voice again , the pain that he will not hug her tightly with his arms again , the pain that he will not even argue with her again . The whole idea about losing her in that way was killing every single cell inside him , the most thing that really hurt him so much deep inside is that the fear of losing her become so living truth that he don't know how to deal with .

He started to feel that he can't handle the feeling of losing any one anymore , so he started to be more alone to spend many days and nights alone , even his close friends he stopped to hang out with telling them fake excuses about not going out with , all his life was just to go to work and go back home , spending most of his time reading her diary or watching their photos together , for him life was over just few days until he will follow her to heaven . That night when he fell sleep he dreamed of her , she was so beautiful so alive to him , she gave to him a paper written in it two words that he don't know what they really mean or even written in which language , she said to him : " keep this paper with you and try to do your best to understand what is inside it " and as soon as he moved his hand towards her to touch her beautiful face he woke up due to his clock alarm sound , he was covered by sweat and his heart beats were so fast  , he sat on his bed taking his breath trying to calm himself as much as he can , he then went to the bathroom standing infront  of the mirror washing his face with water , he looked at his eyes so deep in the mirror remembering each detail in the dream and suddenly he remembered the words that was written in the paper his wife's spirit gave to him so he hurried up to his desk and grapped a pen and wrote down those two words " Aetatis Progressu " ..... to be continued.

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