Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Before & After ....

He was standing alone thinking about how was his life used to be , the loneliness he felt for so much nights , his longings for a partner on his very own , someone to understand him , someone to hide himself inside her arms when life become so cruel , someone to talk to when everyone else is busy and have no time for him , someone that he will not be afraid to be himself infront of , to speak with her whatever comes up on his mind without trying to filter it , sometimes he felt like this special dream is forbidden that is why his prayers about it seems to be never recieve an answer . He has friends , relatives and many other people on his life but her only her this ambigues known woman to him was the one he was longing to find her , for him loneliness was not just to be alone by himself somewhere only but the worst loneliness was to be among people although he felt deep loneliness , sometimes he imagined some discussions that took place between them , how they exchange words with each other , how she looked towards him , how she responsed back when he starts to flirt with her , all those things he used to imagine and sometimes to laugh about or even smile , he knows those imaginations are only daydream thoughts but he couldn't hold himself back from having them from time to time just to console him in his waiting time for her appearence , sometimes life become so cruel to him to the limit he admits that she is only a fancy thought and she will never appear but then something appear in his life to assure she is a reality but she will only be a touched one when the peoper time come .

His bittersweet thoughts about her never stopped from coming back to him from time to time , it was bitter because it reminds him of his loneliness but sweet because it was about her ,  to be himself was a something that too hard as everyone tried to twist him to fit their vision but he knows that only she will be the one that will never do so , she will accept him as he is but furthermore that she will be proud of every single thing they used to attack him for . The worst thing that always made him get frusturated so deeply is when he meet a girl and he thought that she is the one then suddenly everything ends up in a very shocking way he can't understand why that happened , is it because he was in hurry to find his soulmate so he didn't notice that she was not the one or what happened it was so painful to him to get through all those frusturations as he didn't know whether it will be after alll deserve to go through all that , his thoughts was like a very raging ocean taking him from place to another reminding him of old scars , disappointments and misfortunes and as the ghost of his old sad memories going to haunt him suddenly her cozy , beautiful  and full of love voice called his name , he knew that she was searching for him , in his mind he was thinking " She , oh yes she my dream that suddenly appeared from no where , the dream that become a truth at once " , he didn't care to remember how they met each other or how things goes on in that way till she became his woman in front of god and infront of everyone else , all what matters she is the one of his very own , his shelter , his secrets keeper , his ..... as he was thinking what else she means to him he heard her voice again calling his name , he smiled with a very wide lips and answered her back  " Am here dear in the balconey come join me , the moon is full and i want to share this magnificent view with you " , after those words a very wierd thought came on his mind that how was before night for him was so gloomy and full of sadness to him and how now after she came into his life night become the most lovely time for him as he spend most of it with the love of his life .