Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Fear is " False Evidence Appearing Real" ( part one )

It was a very long day that is the only idea that keep on making so loud noise inside his head , everything seems that it happened so fast , he felt like that he is terribly exahusted to the limit he can't show his grief on his beloved wife , he still can hear people around him whispering words to each other saying " poor him what he will do now , she was his world , i didn't see a husband love his wife this way ... " and more but all words just was nothing compared to him and he can't handle people this time at all . His best friend asked him " if you really don't want to spend this night alone i can come spend it with you ? ", he replied : " no i will be ok , i prefer to spend this night alone i need that so much " , he felt as if a very heavy stone was on his heart was removed when it was declared that the funeral was over , he was so eager to leave the place , to run away from reality to escape all those words of consolation that he don't want to listen or even hear any single letter of them .

It was finally over he said to his friend that he is not totally in a mood to stand and listen to any talk anymore so he will leave and go to his home as all what he want to hear now is deep silence . As he entered his home he felt so lonely as if suddenly life stopped and night and day were over , he struggled to swallow his pain and sadness , he tried to do his best to prevent his tears from escapimg from his eyes and the worst he was in a severe fight against this killing pain in his heart , the pain of knowing he will not hear her voice again , the pain that he will not hug her tightly with his arms again , the pain that he will not even argue with her again . The whole idea about losing her in that way was killing every single cell inside him , the most thing that really hurt him so much deep inside is that the fear of losing her become so living truth that he don't know how to deal with .

He started to feel that he can't handle the feeling of losing any one anymore , so he started to be more alone to spend many days and nights alone , even his close friends he stopped to hang out with telling them fake excuses about not going out with , all his life was just to go to work and go back home , spending most of his time reading her diary or watching their photos together , for him life was over just few days until he will follow her to heaven . That night when he fell sleep he dreamed of her , she was so beautiful so alive to him , she gave to him a paper written in it two words that he don't know what they really mean or even written in which language , she said to him : " keep this paper with you and try to do your best to understand what is inside it " and as soon as he moved his hand towards her to touch her beautiful face he woke up due to his clock alarm sound , he was covered by sweat and his heart beats were so fast  , he sat on his bed taking his breath trying to calm himself as much as he can , he then went to the bathroom standing infront  of the mirror washing his face with water , he looked at his eyes so deep in the mirror remembering each detail in the dream and suddenly he remembered the words that was written in the paper his wife's spirit gave to him so he hurried up to his desk and grapped a pen and wrote down those two words " Aetatis Progressu " ..... to be continued.

Wednesday, 6 April 2011

The Wish ...

Our life is mainly about wishes and dreams that we always hope one day we will achive them and make them a living truth , but it is not always our wishes or dreams come true not for anything but because they are too fancy. For her it was so long day full of arguments and conversations , her mind was so busy full of many thoughts , ideas and many things she got to do . The moment she get herself inside her car after all this long day at work she sat for a while enjoying this calm silence around her , then she turned her car on to drive back home , the way back was not quite smooth , she wishes if the way only be more easy than that while that she was straying outside her car's window thinking about him , she thought about how things were so beautiful , the warm cozy feelings inside their home together , the laughter and love that always was between them , while her hand was on the wheel she touched her wedding ring with her thump rubbing it so softly , watching the hazy reflection of her in it and a ghost of a smile appeared at the corner of her lips when she remembered when he put this ring in her hand promising her to be always there for her . She thought that she didn't know whether being busy that much at work was a blessing or not as may be it exhausts her mind but at the same time it keeps her mind busy from thinking about him , busy from remembering how fate didn't give them more long time to be together , she entered her home and felt as if a cold breeze touched her skin and she felt a shiver down her spine  , she sat down on the couch trying to make things be more easy on her , as she raised her head up she found his picture infront of her , he was looking so charming with his twinkling eyes and beautiful smile , she felt as if he was looking straight in her eyes , she grapped the picture and slept on her side on the couch and gave it a kiss and kept looking at it moving her little finger on his small face in the picture , she missed being in his arms to lean her head on his chest and to listen to the profound sound of his heart beats that sound that always make her felt so deep tranquil inside , she wished if only he can come back for a moment to hide her little body inside his hands to feel his warmth again , to smell his beautiful remarkable smell once again and to hear the soothing sound of his heart beats but no use he was not there anymore and as she reached this point her warm tears betrayed her eyes and started to flow .

Sunday, 3 April 2011

And i hate the phone but i wish you would call ....

At that night , he felt as if this world was empty , empty of people , empty of feelings , empty of stars , moon , clouds . Everything just look so gloomy for him , he didn't imagine that one day she will say those words that never look like they are made of letters but they are made of daggers to him , " It is over , there is no more us " that how she ended what was between them , on his way back home he started to remember every single moment they share with the echo of her last words with them . Finally he reached his home , he didn't know how that happened but just interpret it as if his legs has an independent mind that took him there , he entered throwing away his keys , ignore to switch the light on and went staright to his bedroom . He sat down at the end of his bed in darkness thinking about what happened , placing his phone beside him , he was just trying to figure out what was going on through the whole last days of them together , he knew that he had did some mistakes so she too but he was sure there wasn't anything deserve to give up about their relationship , he also was sure about the fact that he will get over it with a way or another but " how " that was the thing he was not so sure about if he knows it or not . Suddenly he remembered his phone that was beside him , he remembered that at this time he was supposed to be talking to her on it as she used to check if he reached his home safely  , he looked at the phone so long as if he was saying a secret prayer inside himself asking if she only call , just to call even just to say hello but no use , at this moment he sank into this unbearable silence around him , he felt as if even the air around him suddenly gained some weight and placed all of it on him , he became so sure that he really hate his phone and hate it's stupid silence so much but at the same moment he was wishing deep down inside his heart if she would call .... just call .