The Paintaing

He sat down there holding his brush, all what was on his mind is her face nothinge else, on the white surface of the painting he started to paint her face with her beautiful twinkling eyes, all what he can paint was only her face with every single detail in it except her lips , he was not able at all to draw it, he called this paintaing " Silence " and when everyone ask him what is the reason he had drawn her with no lips and why he chose the name of it to be silence he answered back that he prefer not to tell anybody even his close friend didn't know why, but there inside himself was the answer that he can't told to anyone, how he can tell them that he had done that on purpose, the truth was so simple but people will never accpet it or will ridicule him, the reality was that he had never talked to her at all, she was that simple and quiet girl living next door, he still remember the day when they met each other for the first time, that he was back home holding some of the paint stuff he uses in his work and the elevator was about to close but he jumped quickly and put his hand to prevent it's door from closing and in this hand was one of the buckets of colors and when the door hit his hand it slipped away and fell inside the elevator and sprinkle all it's content inside it and as the doors opened up againg he found her inside the elevator covered with the red paintaing that he was holding, he was totally embarresd and run out of words as nothing can be said in such a situation and was ready to accept every single word she will call him with, but he was totally shocked to see her laughing out loud, he stared at her as if he was enchanted by her sweet laugh and for a while her kept staring at her then her purset into laughter with her too, they exchanged their names and he knew from her that she is his neighbour since a while but they never met each other, and since that time he felt strnage feelings when he meets her wherever he goes.

After a while he was sure that he is so in love with her, but he didn't has the gut to tell her what was his feelings towards her, they just exchange few hellos and anything he wanted to say he say it with his eyes nothing more nothing less, that is why he draw her face without her lips as all their talk was only by  eyes.

It was that day when he felt so sick and didn't go to the gallery and when he called to know about any paintaing was sold out, and they told him that his beloved paintaing was sold " Silence " he was so shocked and asked who had baught it but the answer was so disappointing to him as his assisstant told him that the buyer preferred to be anonymous, from that time he felt so lonely as her paintaing means alot ot him he even sometimes talked to it, revealing all what is hidden there between rips to it, and all what he wanted that to know who baught it but no use, then one day as he was sitting doing some of his work, the bell of his door rang and he went to open the door but noone was there just only a package wrapped in a brown paper, he stepped out his door to see if anybody was there but he found nothing so he took the package inside, he sat down and hold it wondering about what is there inside it, then he finally took a decision to open it, he ripped out the brown paper aorund it to be surprised that he found his paintaing "Silence"  inside it but with something new added to it which was her lips he felt so confused and anger, why did the buyer give it back to him and why did he mess out with his paintaings but the answer was quickly when he looked at the back of the painting to find a paper written in it her name with her number .

The Broken Toy

She was sitting there in her balcony drinking her coffee, it was one of those early monings in winter and although she was enjoying her coffee so much in such freezing atmosphere but her mind was there reviewing her past again, she knows it is so stupid to let her past control her present and it is more foolish to let it control her future but she was just thinking she can't hold herself back from doing that, she remembered how she met him the only man she believed is the one, the memories they shared together,  how she felt him to the bone, how she understood his unspoken words before the uttered one, his silence before his words, how everything goes smoothly with him but deep down inside her heart a small whisper about how that will end up so soon so awfully and how she always know that this unknown voice was rarely to say false things. Eventually what she felt was coming happened he suddenly left her with no words, no excuses or even a gesture. It was so awful to go again through this phase for her, her mind was so crowded by thoughts and assumptions, she thought may be she neglected him , or may be she was not perfect , or may be she was so easy going , or may be she didn't expect good but always listen to this mysterious voice within her telling her that only bad things will happen and as they say you get what you only expect, it was like earthly hell for her but she knew deep down in her heart that it is only a phase she was going through it ad of course she had learned the lesson so good and she knew so well that she will never love again like this time, not because of many things that passed in her mind but she was sure that something was broken inside her and can not be mended again by any other way and will never be and no one has a cure for it, she just knew that she had lost her faith in such kind of love and she will never feel butterflies again , her  heart became just like a deserted island ad there is a tree in it to provide some shadow for passing by passengers .

Her thoughts take her along her long journey until she reached the memory of that other man who crossed her life, she enjoyed his accompany so much, he was so funny one with a very attractive sense of humor , she loved his sarcasm and how sometimes when he talk with her she can feel that he is weaving a very warm hands that hug her so tightly and make her find a little place to rest in it, but she also knows that what between him and her is like a beautiful toy that they pass it for each other, enjoyig seeing it flip and goes around and every toy has an end just like any other thing in our world, but the end came so soon more than was expecting, the end came when he strated to take what between him and her as a true and actual thing, she just find herself escapig from him, making excuses to cancel their meetings, she is sure that this time will end like others for many reasons and what attract them together is only appearences but reality is too awful, but he was struggling to have her back to make what is between them as a reality but all his effort was invain she insisted on her thoughts , as she was going through all those ideas her phone was ringing intrupting her and bring her back to present, the call was from him, she hesitated whether to answer or not, her hands were trembling so badly, she answered : Hello , and from the other side his so disappointed vioce came saying : Hello , she was so quiet so he took the lead saying : so have you made your mind about us or what, i hope you have think about my last words to you, she was so quiet but she decided to be frank with him and answered back : " Yes, i have made up my mind since a while, what was between us was just like a toy, that we loved and enjoyed so much passing it to each other watching her with so eager eyes to see it making more pleasent moves but now this toy is broken and even if we tried again to mend it and make it work again , it will just look so pathetic and awful ".

Her Eyes

He was sitting there is his bedroom all by himself , thinking about many past things in his life . He felt so sad for what had happened between him and her , their relationship really didn't deserve to end up like this , he started to call back each moment they shared together , their laughs , their words even their arguments . He felt like that the clock is stuck on thoughts of him and her , suddenly he felt he miss her so much , miss being with her , miss sharing everything with her , she was another world for him a world where he can be himself without pretending , a world where everything is so sweet and pure and since they left each other he was not able to be himself anymore . He suddenly remembered those photos of her he was keeping them on his computer , so he opened it and started to search for the photos with so much anxiety that he would not find them , but as he was about to give up he found the folder where he kept all her photos . He opened the folder searching for a specific picture for her , as this picture he had took it for her in a day when they were walking together along the shore , in that day she was so happy and her eyes were twinkling for him as stars shining in the sky in a very clear night so he grapped his camera and took that picture for her . As soon as he found the picture he opened it and started to zoom on her eyes , he kept on zooming on it as he made her eyes taking the whole space on his screen , he kept in staring inside her beautiful eyes feeling like he became hynotized , he felt as if he was able to reach her to see her amazing soul throughout her eyes , he felt that she is really the one and he can't let her go and may be they have misunderstood each other but they love each other , he was so sure of that as he remembered that tears were like a flood the night they decided they can't be together anymore . He felt deep sadness for being away from her and felt like world will be like hell without her , so he decided that he will try just for one last time may be it will works . He grapped his phone texting her a message of only three words " I miss you " and started to think whether to send it or just give up and cancel the whole thing , moments were like years for him and he was not sure of what to do but at last he made up his mind and pushed the send button . He waited for couple of hourse waiting for the answer but nothing came back so he decided he will go to sleep and never think about it anymore , he convinced himself it was worthy to try but everything has an end and it seems to be that this was the end of their relationship . As he was about to sleep his phone made this sweet tone of recieving a message , he opened it with so much hurry and he found it from her , she replied with only two words " Me too " .

Before & After ....

He was standing alone thinking about how was his life used to be , the loneliness he felt for so much nights , his longings for a partner on his very own , someone to understand him , someone to hide himself inside her arms when life become so cruel , someone to talk to when everyone else is busy and have no time for him , someone that he will not be afraid to be himself infront of , to speak with her whatever comes up on his mind without trying to filter it , sometimes he felt like this special dream is forbidden that is why his prayers about it seems to be never recieve an answer . He has friends , relatives and many other people on his life but her only her this ambigues known woman to him was the one he was longing to find her , for him loneliness was not just to be alone by himself somewhere only but the worst loneliness was to be among people although he felt deep loneliness , sometimes he imagined some discussions that took place between them , how they exchange words with each other , how she looked towards him , how she responsed back when he starts to flirt with her , all those things he used to imagine and sometimes to laugh about or even smile , he knows those imaginations are only daydream thoughts but he couldn't hold himself back from having them from time to time just to console him in his waiting time for her appearence , sometimes life become so cruel to him to the limit he admits that she is only a fancy thought and she will never appear but then something appear in his life to assure she is a reality but she will only be a touched one when the peoper time come .

His bittersweet thoughts about her never stopped from coming back to him from time to time , it was bitter because it reminds him of his loneliness but sweet because it was about her ,  to be himself was a something that too hard as everyone tried to twist him to fit their vision but he knows that only she will be the one that will never do so , she will accept him as he is but furthermore that she will be proud of every single thing they used to attack him for . The worst thing that always made him get frusturated so deeply is when he meet a girl and he thought that she is the one then suddenly everything ends up in a very shocking way he can't understand why that happened , is it because he was in hurry to find his soulmate so he didn't notice that she was not the one or what happened it was so painful to him to get through all those frusturations as he didn't know whether it will be after alll deserve to go through all that , his thoughts was like a very raging ocean taking him from place to another reminding him of old scars , disappointments and misfortunes and as the ghost of his old sad memories going to haunt him suddenly her cozy , beautiful  and full of love voice called his name , he knew that she was searching for him , in his mind he was thinking " She , oh yes she my dream that suddenly appeared from no where , the dream that become a truth at once " , he didn't care to remember how they met each other or how things goes on in that way till she became his woman in front of god and infront of everyone else , all what matters she is the one of his very own , his shelter , his secrets keeper , his ..... as he was thinking what else she means to him he heard her voice again calling his name , he smiled with a very wide lips and answered her back  " Am here dear in the balconey come join me , the moon is full and i want to share this magnificent view with you " , after those words a very wierd thought came on his mind that how was before night for him was so gloomy and full of sadness to him and how now after she came into his life night become the most lovely time for him as he spend most of it with the love of his life .

Fear is " False Evidence Appearing Real" ( part one )

It was a very long day that is the only idea that keep on making so loud noise inside his head , everything seems that it happened so fast , he felt like that he is terribly exahusted to the limit he can't show his grief on his beloved wife , he still can hear people around him whispering words to each other saying " poor him what he will do now , she was his world , i didn't see a husband love his wife this way ... " and more but all words just was nothing compared to him and he can't handle people this time at all . His best friend asked him " if you really don't want to spend this night alone i can come spend it with you ? ", he replied : " no i will be ok , i prefer to spend this night alone i need that so much " , he felt as if a very heavy stone was on his heart was removed when it was declared that the funeral was over , he was so eager to leave the place , to run away from reality to escape all those words of consolation that he don't want to listen or even hear any single letter of them .

It was finally over he said to his friend that he is not totally in a mood to stand and listen to any talk anymore so he will leave and go to his home as all what he want to hear now is deep silence . As he entered his home he felt so lonely as if suddenly life stopped and night and day were over , he struggled to swallow his pain and sadness , he tried to do his best to prevent his tears from escapimg from his eyes and the worst he was in a severe fight against this killing pain in his heart , the pain of knowing he will not hear her voice again , the pain that he will not hug her tightly with his arms again , the pain that he will not even argue with her again . The whole idea about losing her in that way was killing every single cell inside him , the most thing that really hurt him so much deep inside is that the fear of losing her become so living truth that he don't know how to deal with .

He started to feel that he can't handle the feeling of losing any one anymore , so he started to be more alone to spend many days and nights alone , even his close friends he stopped to hang out with telling them fake excuses about not going out with , all his life was just to go to work and go back home , spending most of his time reading her diary or watching their photos together , for him life was over just few days until he will follow her to heaven . That night when he fell sleep he dreamed of her , she was so beautiful so alive to him , she gave to him a paper written in it two words that he don't know what they really mean or even written in which language , she said to him : " keep this paper with you and try to do your best to understand what is inside it " and as soon as he moved his hand towards her to touch her beautiful face he woke up due to his clock alarm sound , he was covered by sweat and his heart beats were so fast  , he sat on his bed taking his breath trying to calm himself as much as he can , he then went to the bathroom standing infront  of the mirror washing his face with water , he looked at his eyes so deep in the mirror remembering each detail in the dream and suddenly he remembered the words that was written in the paper his wife's spirit gave to him so he hurried up to his desk and grapped a pen and wrote down those two words " Aetatis Progressu " ..... to be continued.

The Wish ...

Our life is mainly about wishes and dreams that we always hope one day we will achive them and make them a living truth , but it is not always our wishes or dreams come true not for anything but because they are too fancy. For her it was so long day full of arguments and conversations , her mind was so busy full of many thoughts , ideas and many things she got to do . The moment she get herself inside her car after all this long day at work she sat for a while enjoying this calm silence around her , then she turned her car on to drive back home , the way back was not quite smooth , she wishes if the way only be more easy than that while that she was straying outside her car's window thinking about him , she thought about how things were so beautiful , the warm cozy feelings inside their home together , the laughter and love that always was between them , while her hand was on the wheel she touched her wedding ring with her thump rubbing it so softly , watching the hazy reflection of her in it and a ghost of a smile appeared at the corner of her lips when she remembered when he put this ring in her hand promising her to be always there for her . She thought that she didn't know whether being busy that much at work was a blessing or not as may be it exhausts her mind but at the same time it keeps her mind busy from thinking about him , busy from remembering how fate didn't give them more long time to be together , she entered her home and felt as if a cold breeze touched her skin and she felt a shiver down her spine  , she sat down on the couch trying to make things be more easy on her , as she raised her head up she found his picture infront of her , he was looking so charming with his twinkling eyes and beautiful smile , she felt as if he was looking straight in her eyes , she grapped the picture and slept on her side on the couch and gave it a kiss and kept looking at it moving her little finger on his small face in the picture , she missed being in his arms to lean her head on his chest and to listen to the profound sound of his heart beats that sound that always make her felt so deep tranquil inside , she wished if only he can come back for a moment to hide her little body inside his hands to feel his warmth again , to smell his beautiful remarkable smell once again and to hear the soothing sound of his heart beats but no use he was not there anymore and as she reached this point her warm tears betrayed her eyes and started to flow .

And i hate the phone but i wish you would call ....

At that night , he felt as if this world was empty , empty of people , empty of feelings , empty of stars , moon , clouds . Everything just look so gloomy for him , he didn't imagine that one day she will say those words that never look like they are made of letters but they are made of daggers to him , " It is over , there is no more us " that how she ended what was between them , on his way back home he started to remember every single moment they share with the echo of her last words with them . Finally he reached his home , he didn't know how that happened but just interpret it as if his legs has an independent mind that took him there , he entered throwing away his keys , ignore to switch the light on and went staright to his bedroom . He sat down at the end of his bed in darkness thinking about what happened , placing his phone beside him , he was just trying to figure out what was going on through the whole last days of them together , he knew that he had did some mistakes so she too but he was sure there wasn't anything deserve to give up about their relationship , he also was sure about the fact that he will get over it with a way or another but " how " that was the thing he was not so sure about if he knows it or not . Suddenly he remembered his phone that was beside him , he remembered that at this time he was supposed to be talking to her on it as she used to check if he reached his home safely  , he looked at the phone so long as if he was saying a secret prayer inside himself asking if she only call , just to call even just to say hello but no use , at this moment he sank into this unbearable silence around him , he felt as if even the air around him suddenly gained some weight and placed all of it on him , he became so sure that he really hate his phone and hate it's stupid silence so much but at the same moment he was wishing deep down inside his heart if she would call .... just call .